I Want To Marry Gym

Many important decisions in life are:  Who you marry, where you go to church and which health club to join .  Fitness and love are important things in life. Like finding a good man, finding a good fitness center is essential to physical and emotional well being.  
My search for a great gym has paralleled my search for a great man.  I have courted many different gyms in hope of falling in love with one.  
At first sight, most gyms are all the same.  Rows of treadmills, stacks of weights and damp steamy locker rooms.  Yet, just like men, each gym has it’s own personality, pros and cons and little flaws that are usually discovered once the relationship has begun.
My first health club relationship was with Bally’s Total Fitness.  The red, black and silver color scheme, low lights and pumping music feel more like a night club than a health club.  Attracting patrons in early to mid twenties.  Most of the women dress in designer fitness apparel, sport  fully made up faces and strangely don’t sweat at all, when they work out. ( While look like I just lost a water balloon fight during my workout.)  They seem intent on attracting the abundance of testosterone popping muscle bound meatheads.  
Balley’s can be a great place to score a date.  However, I go to the gym to work out, not to hook up.  I found the pathetic pick up lines of post frat boys and pre-midlife crisis trophy wife seekers annoying and distracting.
My second health club connection was with 24 hour fitness.  This was a short affair,  driven by infatuation with the well dressed perfectly matched staff and the sparkling new facility.  I soon discovered, the staff was very rude and the child care cost up to six dollars a day in addition to monthly membership fees.  I finally "broke up" with 24 fitness because of the locker room.  The large open room offers no privacy.  I am not comfortable being stark naked in front of 30 strangers.   The showers leave much to be desired.  The stall showers have walls that do not reach he floor.  Ending 18 inches from the floor allowing full view of the legs and feet of shower mates. Several of the showers share one drain.  The unlucky user of the “drain-shower”  is plagued with foamy refuse from bathers; tickling their toes, on the way down the semi public drainage system. Once while I was showering, the frothy river was laced with black curly hair. The woman in the stall next to me was giving her  Cha-cha an extremely over do grooming. Since I could not find platform shower shoes tall enough to keep me out of the nastiness, I decided to look for a club that was a better fit. I dumped 24 hour and moved on to Gold’s.
The famous Gold’s gym was a huge disappointment.  Like a designer knock off from Wal-mart the over all quality  of Gold’s left something to be desired.  The equipment is sub par.  The classes are few and far between and they fill up fast. The instructors have no idea what they are doing.  You have to get there early and wait in line, before classes start. Often they fill up and you are turned away.
The child care center and Gold’s was a frustrating.  Parents have to make an appointment seven days in advance, during a scheduled call in time.  Trying to get a slot for child care was like trying to win a prize on a radio show. I was usually met with a busy signal every time I tried to call, failing to obtain the child care that I had already paid for.  If an appointment was missed you’re charged an outrageous no show fee. The employees at Gold’s child care staff suck.  Often, I would find my toddler completely ignored, crying pitifully in the corner.  The break up with Gold’s was a nasty one but along this broken road, I found true health club love, with my fitness soul mate, Club USA.
My relationship with Club USA has grown into deep affection. I can honestly say, “I love my health club.”  My favorite thing about the club is the revolutionary child care included in my membership fee.  My preschooler enjoys hands on activates and academic instruction with an amazing staff that loves him and knows him by name.  My school age children enjoy their own workout in  “Action Fitness.”  The kids can work out on miniature equipment that looks just like what the grown ups use. They play fitness games, learn about nutrition, climb a rock wall, participate in fitness competition and are encouraged by their “coaches”  the amazing Action Fitness staff.  
The classes at Club USA are phenomenal. There area  huge variety of classes included the monthly fee. The class instructors are the best that I have ever encountered, along my journey to find the perfect club.  They are always continuing training in their specific expertise.  They love what they do and are very knowledgeable.  The instructors make it a point to get to know the class members personally. There are always several classes going on and I have never been turned away from a class because it was too full.
The locker rooms at Club USA are a dream come true.  Rather than an open bay, the locker room has several long corridors.  If you’re not into social nudity you can always find a quiet corner to change in, or you can use one of the clubs private changing rooms.  The showers are…private!  You enjoy your own shower with three full walls, your own drain and a privacy shower curtain.  (No wallowing in someone else’s body waste.)  The club also provides towels, shampoo, soap, hairspray, lotion, deodorant, blow dryers and curling irons. 
Membership also includes tanning in state of the art stand up tanning booths. Protective eye wear is provided but cute little “tan tattoo” stickers are not. The club has a spa in the back where members can enjoy facials massages and other services.  (While their children are tended to in child care.)  Sadly the club does not offer nail services.  I wish they had manicures and pedicures. 
The only thing I don’t like about the club is the icy parking lot in the winter.  But the parking lot faces north east I don’t see how it can be avoided.
The staff at Club USA is so friendly.  They know my name and make it a point to know details about me.  The staff always asks me how I’m doing and comments on the progress I have made towards my fitness goals.    
 I have definitely found true love with Club USA.  Now if only I can find a man that meets my wants and needs like Club USA does.  If I found a man like this club I would wed him.  Until then I consider myself happily married to Club USA.